Greener Grass? or Polar Prospectives?

Purity Rings....

Maybe it was a homeschooler thing. Maybe it was an "Independent Fundamental Baptist" thing. Maybe it was just the hip "Christian" thing to do. When I turned 16, my parents gave me a purity ring. They never told me what finger to put it on. And they may not have even called it a purity ring. Maybe they just called it a promise ring (More like a "promise to God" ring.) Maybe they just gave us rings when we turned 16 cause it was cool and pretty.... (knowing my parents, though, there was a deeper reason than that....)

I honestly have to use both my hands, take off my shoes, and use my neighbors fingers as well to count the number of times I've been asked how long I've been married, if I just got engaged, or any other combination of those two. I answer honestly, but every time I answer it seems to somewhat scare people away..... as though they feel awkward for assuming that or maybe pity for me...

There was a blog floating around recently about a girl who took off her purity ring. She decided that it was making her wait to live her life. She was pursuing a relationship with Christ only so she would get a guy in the end. (not really where I am but a good read, nonetheless, Gracefortheroad- "I Don't Wait Anymore.")
Being as shy as I am, I tend to do things that help me blend in. Often, I've thought of taking my ring off, or maybe try wearing it on a different finger to avoid the conversation.  And sometimes, laugh at me if you will, I've thought that on occasion it has scared several "potentials" away. (Oh, the joys of being a nanny with a ring on. But at least the kids are cute so I take it as a compliment when people think they're mine... "Ma'am, you make beautiful babies." HA!!!) But my reasons for possibly taking it off were nothing similar to what this girl decided.

Last Sunday, we talked about being single and marriage (and a bit of other stuff too). The point that spoke the most to me was the encouragement and discipleship that needs to go both ways- from singles to marrieds, from marrieds to singles. Both of them have their own struggles and insights into life and neither "side" has the "greener grass."
{P.S. free advertisement here- if you want to hear the message -or any of the other messages from my awesome pastor -(yes, he's my brother, no I'm not biased) go here- highplains.org- sermons (this message is "the Gifted- Part 22)}

So here's my thought. Let's understand each other a bit better by getting both sides of this story. Married peoples, what are your thoughts about "purity rings" and singles what do you think about them?

Before you give your insight, let me shed a bit of light on how I view my purity ring. (And honestly, I'm probably not going to take mine off anytime soon, if ever- even if it does produce some awkward times for me. Partly because you'd have to be very convincing toward why I should because I've inherited both my parents stubbornness, partly because it doesn't fit on any other finger, and partly because my finger would look deformed because I've been wearing it so long.) (Whoa, totally felt like Tevye from Fiddler On the Roof there, "on one hand... on the other hand.... on the other hand...") I don't believe this ring is causing me to "wait" to live my life. I've always been a firm believer of living where you are. Like Mike said in the sermon, "wherever you are in life, be all there." (or something similar to that) I don't even really view it as a reminder to avoid "temptation". My view on the purity ring is more broad I guess. Sort of a promise, no that's not the right word, a.... commitment...a.... striving....to put God above my own selfish desires, no matter what those desires are. It's there to remind me that I'm not here for me and me only.

Does that even make sense? Where are you on this? What are your thoughts and insights?

(P.S. it was also mentioned that we need to be open and tell others what "hurts" us in our different "relationship statuses". Here's a good read from a singles side of things convergemagazine-"26, unmarried and childless)

Getting both sides of the story,
Ti-Ti

Concerning Couples

There seems to be a trend going around lately. It's about, as I like to call it, "marriage talk." It has been anything from a sermon or a blog post, to a facebook status update or a book advertisement on a side bar. I'm not saying I've read all of them, but it kinda seems like the ones I did read left me feeling left out in the cold. It's not because they weren't well written with important information in them. It wasn't even that they were just geared toward married people- some spoke directly to singles. But here's the thing- I'm a bit on the weird side (Ha!) and they just weren't were I was.

You all probably know that I am a people pleaser. And there are just times when I act like I think I'm supposed to act in certain groups. For example, I grew up pretty conservative and was homeschooled my whole life. In this circle, it was kinda expected that you avoided long conversations with guys, never wanting to appear to be *gasp* flirting with them. You didn't really talk about crushes- only when you had way too much chocolate fondue at a sleep over. If you did talk about boys all the time, you were "one of those girls." And, in my case with being shy and not showing my emotions, sometimes my sister didn't even know of guys that I liked. And I find, in this circle, I can kinda come off as a "feminists marriage hater" of sorts, closed off at even the thought of a guy coming into my perfectly ordered life.
And then there are people that I went to Bible College with. There's a reason they call it "bridal college". Honestly, if you sit next to a guy in chapel (whether you know him of not), at lunch you will get asked at least 10 times if he's popped the question yet. Now with these people I end up giggling and sneaking obvious glances out of the corner of our eyes at cowboys in restaurants. Often, I got teased for not ever going on a date or seeking out the attention of a guy. It was expected in this environment.

The thing is, I feel like I'm in the middle of the two extremes, even if I don't come off like that. I'm not one of those girls who was constantly preparing for a man to come into my life and now is struggling with were to find that "Jesus-like" guy. I'm not one of those girls who has a spreadsheet of qualities- good and bad- that I review every time I see a guy. I'm not one of those girls that carries around a soap box to speak often of my "disdain for the idiocrasy of men these days." Neither do I feel am I one who needs to be in a relationship with a guy to be validated. And so I wanted to share my thoughts in the matter, because sometimes I have a hard time talking about or acting how I really feel. And so I write.

So often there seems to be women (and sometimes men) who want to push marriage on me. Yes, I agree that God has created the institution of marriage. He has created us for companionship and there is so much to commend a godly marriage. It's a picture of Christ and the church. There have been whole books written based on scriptures about the benefits of marriage so I'll save you the pain of reading them all. And there's even a pretty good sermon on my church website if you really feel the need to delve deeper. But- now, I say this carefully and please take it with a grain of salt- these people are almost forcing expectation on singles. We hear it, we read it, we are bombarded with it. It can easily make us desperate, unfulfilled and even turn to other things to compensate for our "apparent failure to catch a man and get married to fulfill God's purpose in our life."
I met this super sweet, godly lady in Virginia when I went out for Rod's graduation. Within 7 seconds of talking, I knew her passion and ministry was for the role of women firstly to their husband and then their family. In her eyes, everything that I was going through at the time was God preparing me to meet the perfect man eventually (and who knows, maybe it still is). I'm so glad that God has given her a passion for where He has put her. But I don't think she knew how every single sentence she said pricked a little hole in my heart. All I could think about was, "What if that someone doesn't ever come? What if I've missed him? What have I done wrong not to find that guy yet? Have I lost my effectiveness to serve God because I don't have a man by my side?"

But the thing is, I am free to live COMPLETE and fully fulfilled in Christ alone!

I'm not going to go the opposite direction and quote all of the scriptures on being content or the blessings of being single. We know them. We, as singles, have heard them as platitudes over and over again.

But here's what I'm getting at: Married women, stop spiritually intimidating single girls to find a guy, get married and have 4 kids. You should be spending more time exhorting and encouraging them to know God, rather than know what qualities you can or can't settle for in a guy. And perhaps, stop pushing the line that "God will bring that perfect man into your life." (It really does kinda drive me crazy.) Instead, encourage single girls to be open to be used of God. Be open to where He takes you. Be open to the next step. Stop encouraging singles to keep waiting to get married to live their lives. And get single people involved in your personal family. I've heard it said often that singles are uncomfortable with church because "it's all family oriented." This just helps in the case of them falling away from God and the Church family. So reach out to those singles. Make them like one of your family, because honestly, everything in church is supposed to be "family orientated." We all are in the family of God, after all.

Singles, don't just sit back and feel left out in church. Become the coolest aunt to all of the kids in your church. Become the closest sister to the women and the men. Become the best listener for the seniors in your church. And stop waiting for a man to come into your life to serve God with. Don't put your life on hold for a man! Stop waiting and start following God now. Stop writing your columns of qualities that you need and things you can "compromise" on and start learning about your God. Stopping looking at Jesus for examples of the perfect man to look for and start looking at how you should be living like Jesus. But don't be so adamantly against marriage that you resist God's leading when/if He does bring a man into your life. Make sure you are open for the next step and have a direction.

Now, I'm a photographer, and I absolutely love love. It's amazing to photograph and amazing to witness. I'm not trying to come across as a marriage hater. I'm not trying to bash those women who are so happily married they can't help talking about. Nor am I trying to be mean to those woman that are truly just trying to be encouraging when they say that a man will come into my life when I least expect it. Sometimes they are just asking honest questions to get to know you better. And neither am I trying to say that I'm always 100% content where I am as a single. I'm not saying it's easy to be single. Trust me, there have been times when I've seriously considered hiring a boyfriend for a night to come to work events or to give me an excuse not to go to something that I might think is awkward. I'm so much braver when I'm doing something silly with someone else. But I'm also not saying it's easy to be married. There have been times when I see that marriage/ a relationship takes more work than being single ever does and I recognize that, were I am right now, I could never handle it.



In a nutshell- No matter if you are just married and living in a honeymoon world. Or if you are married for 12 years and fight everyday to get those Lego's off the floor, that crayon off the wall, and some type of food into your moody husband before 9:30 pm. Or if you've just started dating the man of your dreams. Or if you're looking for Mr. Right around every corner of the Internet. Or if you are 23 and have never been on a date- learn to be complete in Christ, right here, right now. Stop comparing you life with those around you. Stop making life decisions based on the opinions of others who don't know you. Be who He has made you to be. Recognize the supremacy of Christ to put you exactly where you need to be and be open to whatever the next step He has for you.


Hoping this all makes sense,
Ti-Ti

A Beginning....

So, I’ve been toying with the idea of starting a blog for a long time. I love looking at other peoples blogs, including my clever sister, Laura, or as I like to call her, Lola. http://randldunning.blogspot.com/
But blogs are so five minutes ago, right? And what in the world would I write about that anybody would want to read?

My dad was convinced for a long time that I needed to be a photojournalist. I love the first part of the word but the second part makes me cringe and want to hide under my bed with my teddy bear.

You see, I was homeschooled my entire life (not a homeschooler. There is a distinct difference- trust me).
One of the benefits of being homeschooled is the curriculum can be adjusted directly for your needs. I was rather clever when it came to math.
Maybe because I had an awesome teacher.
Maybe because I had a tough teacher.
Maybe I was just “lucky” to get the right answers.

So when 10th grade rolled around, I was doing Algebra 2 and looking at finishing all my math credits by the first semester of my 11th year.

While I excelled at math, my nastiest subjects were spelling and grammar (and apparently they still are as I just misspelled grammar. I wish I knew the people that invented spell check. I would kiss them. It’s probably good that I don’t know them.)

Seriously, what difference does it make if I know what a participle is and who uses “criterion” in a normal sentence anyways? (I would like kiss the creators of dictionary.com too)


I’m much better at trying to speak like Anne of Green Gables than actually writing like her.Obviously, I lack certain qualities that are very helpful in becoming a high-quality writer.

But all this aside, I tend to enjoy writing about frivolous stuff- like my life. I constantly have to cut my Facebook status down to the minimal 420 characters. Yes, I have the number memorized.

Maybe that’s only because I love to use periods as my thoughts (i.e. maybe….…maybe not……..).

I don’t even know if there is a proper word for the usage of periods in that fashion.

Maybe there isn’t a word for that.

Maybe my teacher told me and I forgot.

Maybe my mommy didn’t know.

Maybe my mommy should have taught me not to use that many maybes or that many parentheses in one post.

So after some thinking and soul searching (ha) I decided that I would like to try my hand at blogging.
And who better to help me set up than my neat sister, Lola.
Not that my other sister, Jenni, isn’t neat, but her computer is broken, and I’m afraid that she will break mine too. I can do that myself.
And she doesn’t have a blog…yet. But seeing as she’s the only one in the family to have a web cam and the only one to text, perhaps she doesn’t need one. She also likes to talk… a lot. (I love you, Jenni :) )
So perhaps this will convince my dad once and for all that I was never meant to be a journalist. I’m way too ADD for that.

To the three people that will actually read this- My mommy, ‘cause she loves me. My sister, Laura, because…umm…well…she loves me too and I read hers. (Jenni won’t because, remember, her computer is broken. That means I can talk about her without restraint) Aubrey, because she loves to edit things and this is a very good exercise in editing.



I hope this post has given you at least a little enjoyment. Or perhaps it has encouraged you because your blog/thoughts are so much more cohesive than mine.

An ADD Rambler,

Ti-Ti