Complaints Cancellation: I Never Would Have...

7 months and 10 days

That's how long I've been unemployed. Somehow, every month, God has given me just enough to make it through until the next month.
Good paying babysitting jobs with people I've never meet before, through a friend I haven't seen in a long time. A week of substitute work with my old job. Care package from mom saving me from having to buy necessary things for at least a month. A larger than expected tax return. Generous brother and sister-in-law assisting with occasional financial needs. Small photography jobs that have actually paid. House sitting/companion job. Earlier saved "house plan" money. Valentine's day money gift from mom and dad. And so it goes....

God has shown me just how much He loves me and takes care of, not just my big needs, but my every day small needs. Showing me that I don't have to plan the future to death. That He's the only one that holds my future. I'm SO grateful for where He put me during this time.

If I hadn't quit/ lost my jobs, I never would have been living with Mike and Mindy. I never would have been going to the best church ever. I never would have gotten my crazy, funny Saabreen- at least so soon. I never would have known the feeling of a warm dog head sleeping on my feet and pushing me off the bed. I never would have been a live in nanny for the awesomest kids ever. I never would have the spiritual growth that can only come from trusting God for every single thing in my life. I never would have the awesome quotes that can only come from living in this crazy house. I never would have had the relationship that I now have with my brother and sister-in-law. I never would have had the time for amazing dates with adorable, messy faced children. I never would have had the time for late night bowling or midnight movie showings. I would never had the time to direct a Christmas play. I never would have the maturity I've gained from planning my own life. I never would have the patience or energy to lose 20lbs. I never would have done a ladies bible study. I never would have the relationship that I have with my parents, the occasional visits only being sweeter now. I never would have been able to help  friends have a family vacation. I never would have gotten to be the occasional substitute first grade teacher. I never would have learned to be as frugal as I have to be now. I never would have gotten to meet 7 kids in Weld that are so full of energy and yet so much fun. I never would have had fun coming up with creative ways to make dinner out of not much. I never would have this addiction to lattes that I have now. I never would have been able to watch an adorable, mischievous boy learn to speak his mind. I never would have been able to watch a graceful, ADD girl learn ballet. I never would have been able to listen to a rambling, blue eyed squirt giggle uncontrollably. I never would have known how giving my sister-in-law is. I never would have respected and turned to my brother as much. I never would have learned the art of articulating during interviews. I never would have known what it means to give out of my heart rather than my abundance. I never would have giggled with my sister-in-law over silly things like buns. I never would have gotten to know an amazing church family. I never would have had fun during a church business meeting. I never would have gotten to dress up in crazy outfits to be the mascot for football. I never would have been able to go to an all day ladies conference with mom. I never would have been able to poor chocolate over grinning teenagers. I never would have 10-ish kids fondly call me Ti-Ti and not really know my real name. I never would have been able to go to CHESS and eat lunch with "my peeps." I never would have been able to sing the songs I get to sing in church. I never would have blared music and danced wildly with three dance partners. I never would have known how much germs don't really matter in the long run. I never would have known the freedom that comes from just being what God is making me and dropping my false "christian" self. I never would have been able to be a "kind of church secretary." I never would have known how much joy comes from growing closer to the Lord.

And so, even though I long to complain, that it's about time I could start planning my life again, if just my summer, that I certainly have to have money sometime soon, that life is so hard going from interview to interview, putting myself out there just to be turned down, yet one more time, that I can't live on the generosity of family any longer.............

How can I??? With that list of what I wouldn't have....... I can't. I just simply can't complain. There is way too many blessings in my life.


Honestly, this isn't where I thought this blog would go. I didn't much know what I was going to write but it certainly wasn't going to be thankfulness for where I am.

Sometimes, life hurts. Sometimes it's just way too much of a bother to struggle through to the next day. Sometimes it's just too stressful to get up and try again. And that's when God shows you all He has done, through and for me. And all you can do is praise Him in the storm, to dance with joy in the rain.
He has so much more in store for me.......

Trusting and leaning- leaning and trusting,
Ti-Ti