Finally Free

Sometimes, I feel like I have to tell myself "I am a confident, independent woman who can do things on my own, without help" over and over.
But then I wonder and worry, what if I've now run those extremes? What if I've become so confident, I'm now arrogant? Or what if I'm so independent I don't know how to accept help?  Or, if there ever was someone in my life, I won't know how to live a co-dependent life? Or what if I've not listened to myself good enough and now I've become a hermit?

How is one to balance them out? Honestly, I'm not sure, I'm still working it out (and will take any advice you have in the matter). So often I run the far ends of the pendulum. So "confident" I'm a loud, bossy mess (usually when it involves competition of some kind) who has to be around lots of people (not a ton, because I don't do well in really large crowds). So confident that I won't let any one get a word in edge wise and so arrogantly stubborn you can't say one thing without it getting ripped to shreds. Or the other side, going to do my own things without telling anybody because I'm doing them ON. MY. OWN. Or where locking my room door and pulling the covers over my head is much easier than facing people that might ask me questions, even family members.*gasp* You may think these are slightly exaggerated examples, but I've done those exact things so many times, I've lost track. (It does tend to run the hermit track more often than not.)

So where is the balance? How can I learn to be completely me and in the middle?

I keep coming back to the phrase, I am free.

So maybe it's a daily struggle. One that takes years and years of practice. One that is never ending. But one that is made easier because He has set me free.

I don't have to hide behind my "introvert" tendencies or use them as an excuse. I don't have to be ruled by what others feel I should or shouldn't not be confident in.
I'm learning it's okay to be frighten of going somewhere uncomfortable. It's okay to need some quiet time to myself and God to reflect. It's okay if I don't speak up and just listen, even when I feel judged because I don't speak. It's okay that I feel more able to express myself when writing blogs instead of actually speaking them. It's okay to be sure of yourself in certain situations. It's okay to have an opinion. It's okay to need help sometimes. And sometimes, it's okay to be loud. (FYI, if you ever need an announcer in a loud room or someone to do a sound bite of screaming, I've got a good set of lungs. Maybe it's the German in me. HA)

He has made me free to be exactly who He made me. He is completing me just as He designed. And He loves me with all my quirks and pendulum swings. I don't have to be afraid of not being exactly in the middle right now. I'll probably never be in that perfect balanced spot. (And who are we kidding. Balanced is boring, right?) 

So what are your thoughts? What do you do to find that elusive balance? What verses/books/sermons/thoughts have helped?

Learning to live finally free,
Ti-Ti