*WARNING: THIS BLOG IS VERY LONG AND MAY CAUSE YOU TO CRY. IT IS BEST READ WITH A CUP OF COFFEE IN FRONT OF A FIREPLACE WITH THUNDER, LIGHTENING, RAIN, AND A GOOD CHUNK OF TIME.* (but you can read it anytime)
So maybe this isn't the purpose of a blog. But this is what I want the purpose of my blog to be. I want to be open and hopefully encourage someone's walk with God.
I've been slowly reading through Beth Moore's book, “So Long Insecurity.” Wow- There is so much of this book that is exactly where I am right now. It sometimes feels like she's writing out of my diary. I'm planning a book review about it.....maybe.....later..... if can convince myself it's not like school and that I still know how to write one.
But for now, she has this prayer in chapter 9 that went deep for me. It took great effort for me not to cry at work while I was reading it.
And so I copied it all down by hand. Hey, listen. I had two subjects in school that were by far my worst. Spelling and Penmanship. I had to deal with incorrect formation of letters, hand cramping, and well... who seriously wants to sit there and copy someone else's letters??? Copying this down wasn't so easy. I started at 1 o'clock and ended at 5:30 (finally something profitable to do at Tynan's that's not painting my nails.) I used 24 pages- more than half of a medium note pad, ran the ink out of 2 pens, and can't fully stretch my fingers out all the way even 2 days later. And then I typed this all out. Talk about repeatedly hitting the mark.
This will no doubt be one of the longest blogs to ever show up here. And perhaps the longest blog you have ever read (just be glad you aren't reading my hand written notes- that would take you 5 days, just in deciphering my scratches)
And so to the small handful of people that read this. Please sit it out and read the whole thing. It's pretty much my journal, diary, and heart all written out (and who knows- you might be in it.)
Dear God,
I come to You this moment because I need my dignity back. [This is what Beth feels we have lost in our battle with insecurity. You might have to read the book to fully understand what she means here, but for now, just go with the flow.] You alone know what insecurity has cost me, what trouble- even torment- it has caused me. You are intimately acquainted with every time it's made a fool of me. You know how hard I've fought to play the game, but You also know that in the aftermath I've been defeated. I'm sick of failing. I'm sick of sulking. I desperately need and want to be delivered from my chronic insecurity. I am ready to discover what it means to be truly secure. I am willing to do whatever it takes to be free and to allow You to do through me what I cannot do for myself. You are the all-powerful, all-knowing Maker of heaven and earth and the grand Weaver of every human soul. You alone know how we are made and who we're meant to be. I'm not asking for anything You're not willing to give me. You have not shortchanged me. I have shortchanged myself and allowed my culture to sell me short.
You know the way I'm formed. You know what motivates me. You know what shuts me down. You know how driven I am by fear and how exhausted I am from surrendering to it, Lord. In the most hidden places, I am so afraid that I'll get stuck where I am. That I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. That there isn't a purpose for me to achieve.
Deliver me, Lord. You have not given me a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind. That's what scripture says. I claim each of those priceless traits as mine this day. Your desire is for me to be free of every unhealthy motivation. Reveal any place they reside uncontested in me and supply the courage I need to refuse to do their bidding. You have searched the deepest recesses of my heart and mind. I don't need to hide anything from You or act stronger or more together than I am. Help me to come before you with complete transparency, and grant me a supernatural confidence that I am safe with You and loved by You. I don't have to muster feeling I don't process or hang my head in defeat and shame. Because of Your grace, I can come to You just as I am. This is the way I would describe myself to You right now... _____ [At this point I have written another half page of description but you aren't God so I'm not going to describe myself to you right now. Lol But feel free to add your own thoughts here.] But Lord, You know me better than I know myself. You know why I think like I do and why I feel like I do. You know my every thought. My every disappointment. You know every ugly or ridiculous thing I've ever said or done out of insecurity. You see every fissure in my soul, and You look beyond the point of my failure to the depth of my need. As You reveal Yourself to me, I ask that You also mercifully reveal myself to me. Grant me insight into patterns I've developed, and give me answers that bring healing. Make me wholly unafraid of anything that I might see in myself in the light You provide. Help me to trust that You only shed light where You're willing to heal.
God, You know the complexities of my soul and that most of the time I can't even figure myself out. [He's probably the only one out there that can figure me out...] You know how I swing like a dizzy pendulum between self-loathing and self-exaltation. As I begin this prayer of restoration, I ask You, Lord, to help me take responsibility for the insecurity that is my own doing. My own fault. My own sin. I am painfully aware that I've created some of my own misery. I have tried to make a god of myself too many times, and it hasn't worked. It will never work. [This is common head knowledge to most of us..... but how many times do we verbally admit it? Heart knowledge.] In calling me to this time of confession, Your desire is my freedom, not my self-condemnation. So with confidence, I welcome the one and reject the other. With these things in mind hear my confessions... ________ [And no, this isn't like Catholic confessions and so I won't put mine here for all to see....besides- it's gets pretty personal after this anywho.] Please forgive me for my self-worship. For my relentless pursuit of control and for my futile attempts at doing your job. [She has obviously stopped by my blog recently] Forgive me for my foolish pride. Forgive me for nursing my ego until it grows so fat that everything touching it bruises it. Forgive me for my miserable self-absorption. Forgive me for the jealousy and covetousness that feeds my insecurity. Forgive me for turning too many things into competitions. [Umm... seriously. Does she know my family???] For being so fixated on what I don't have that I leave the gifts You've given me undeveloped and much less effective than You intended them to be. Forgive me for thinking pitifully little of the person You've made me. Forgive me for committing the flagrant sin of despising myself and considering myself inferior to others. Forgive me equally for every time I've sighed with relief at the thought that I might be superior after all. Forgive me for my unbelief. If I realized how valuable I am, my insatiable need for affirmation would be quenched. Forgive me for being such a perfectionist that I resist doing something good out of fear that it won't be great. Forgive me for the inordinate self-protection that has only managed to imprison me.
This very moment I receive Your lavish forgiveness and Your complete cleansing and in Your name, I release all the shame that has come from self-inflicted insecurity. From now on, Lord, and every day for the rest of my life, heighten my conviction until I'm instantly aware when insecurity is my own making. Help me recognize any form of pride or unbelief and to refuse it immediately.
Now, Lord, I ask You to pull up the roots of insecurity that were not of my own doing, and usher in healing and restoration. You know every single place where instability has touched my life. You remember details that were long erased from my memory but are still inflicting insecurity. You know what first frightened me into believing that no one and nothing could be trusted and that I'm on my own out here in a very unsafe world. You know the rational origin of every irrational fear. You know where I developed a belief system based on the frailness of man instead of the bedrock of you. You have been with me every moment, even when I felt there was no one to take care of me. I give You my whole heart. Touch every broken and wounded place with your healing hand.
Lord, empower me to forgive those who have let me down, failed to protect me, or inflicted injury upon me. Help me to see them as needy, broken people in their own right, and Lord, where there is still life and opportunity, bring redemption to those relationships. Help me to understand the gravity of this juncture: that if I do not seek healing and wholeness, I will instead end up perpetuating the cycle of injury. Break the cycle with me, O Lord. Break the cycle with me.
Lord, come and treat my heart and soul where they have been shattered by loss. No one on earth can esteem the loss of something precious the way You can. You know the pain, You know the unbearable emptiness that can come with loss. [Perhaps like me you don't have a loss/death of a person that is effecting you this way. Thank God for that. But maybe, you can think as I was, of simpler things to “loose” such as comfort in the familiar, innocence, or even just the loss of a close friendship that has grown distant.] You recognize my attempt to fill the void with things that never suffice. You know how my feelings frighten me and how the enemy of my soul would have me believe that I will never be okay. Make a liar out of him, Lord, Do not let him win, do not let loss win. Be my gain, Lord. Flood my life with purpose and compassion. Be my strength in weakness. [You are probably feeling weak with how long this is and wondering if I'll be done before dinner.... hold on a bit longer, my friend.]
Please do not let me confuse healing with betrayal. Help me to see any place in my life where I'm hanging on to my grief or anger in an attempt to hang on to what I've lost. Grant me the gift of healthy grief that does not fight the pain or the process of healing. Lord, please help me to see where I have suffered a substantial loss that I've never regarded. Where I lost innocence, grant me integrity. Where I lost a relationship, grant me true intimacy. Where I lost a home, grant me an internal unshakable sense of belonging. Where I've held someone responsible for my loss, grant me the ability to forgive. Don't stop until You've made a miracle of me.
Lord, help me to learn how to hang on tight to You when my life is rocked by dramatic change. [umm...again.... this is getting kinda scary.] Empower me to trust You and not to panic or fight for control. Help me to stop confusing a change in my circumstances with a change in my security status. You are my security, O God. You are the one sure thing. When everything around me shakes, You are unshakable. Nothing has the propensity to reveal false gods to me like a sudden change in my circumstances. [Never thought of it quite like that, and oh how much easier it would be if I hadn't.] Help me to see them and surrender them instantaneously. Use change to provoke what needs changing in me, Lord, and to increase my appreciation of the only One who is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
Lord, I now ask You to single out everything You entrusted to me as part of my physical and psychological makeup: personal limitations, my appearance, and my God-give disposition. You know what You were doing when you formed me in my mother's womb. Nothing is without purpose. Nothing has thrown off the plan. Every gift, challenge, and obstacle is meant to shape the specific destiny You ordained for me before time began. Your intent is to make a wonder out of me and show what You can do through me. You mean to increase the praise that comes to You because of my life. You want to defy the odds in order to make Yourself conspicuous in me. Please deliver me from self-pity and a life of excuses and rationalizations. And Lord, where I've otherwise lapsed into self-adoration and self-centerdness instead, help me to recognize my narcissism and no longer tolerate it. Of all things, please don't let it be said that I loved myself too much to fully love anybody else. Please don't let me gain the world but lose my soul.
Father, help me to see where I am overly sensitive and where I put too much pressure on relationships. Help me to see where I insist on making a situation all about me. I really want to change. Help me to quit saying, “This is the way I am,” and remind me that I am capable of tremendous transformation with you. Deliver me from insecurity in my relationships. Help me to cease being so easily wounded, but at the same time, keep me from growing hardened. Help me to resign my position as a game player and manipulator without resigning myself to a life of misuse. Help me to realize that it's pointless to demand that others love me more or love me better. Real affection cannot be coerced. I cannot put a human in charge of my security without setting him or her up for certain failure. Help me to stop using a person as my mirror and start seeing myself as You alone see me.
Lord, even in the midst of all these requests, I thank You with my whole heart for working so diligently in my life. Yes, there have been people who have hurt me and have done a very poor job of taking Your place, but there have also been people who have shown me glimpses of You. Not perfect people, but genuine people. In particular I thank you for... [At this point I could stop and let you fill in the blanks as I have done with the others like this, but felt like it would be good to publicly thank some people in my life. Please don't take it badly if your name isn't mentioned. I tried to keep it fairly short and sweet and have so many people who have touched my life. Many of you in a small way that was big in my life. Thank you.] Dad- always being there to give hugs and surround me in his love. Mom- listening quietly when I'm blowing up and crying with me when I'm upset. Mike- giving me good advice and being willing to hear my poorly thought out arguments. Mindy- always caring about what's happening in my life and including me in hers (and for that “look” she sends my direction every once in a while- you know it ;)). Laura- hearing me complain about my life and never telling me the truth- that hers is much worse. Lol Rod- making me laugh every time he calls me Roseann and lets me call him Billy. Jenni- telling me in sisterly fashion when to “shut up” (oops mom) and then jabbering with me until 4 in the morning. Aubrey- giving me attack hugs just when I need them and following my ADD conversations. Stephanie- keeping my gaze on the Lord and turning it back there when it's strayed. AND SO MANY MORE!!! (Grandmom, Christy, Mrs. W., Kelli Colas, Danielle B., Christina, Katie, Mrs. Aardsma, Auntie Sharon, etc.).........
I thank You for all You have done to get me to this place and for the plan You have ahead for me. I come now, Lord, to the apex of my petition: please restore to my soul all that insecurity has stolen from me. Overturn every single thing the enemy meant for evil into something good. Perform a miracle on me, Lord. Cover me with Your trustworthy hand. Clothe me with strength and dignity. Transform what drives me. Quell what triggers me. Make me a courageous woman in this harrowing culture. One who refuses to be reduced and defined by the media. Help me to make conscious decisions about whether or not the cost of what they're selling is worth buying. Give me the discernment to call a lie a lie.
Make me the kind of woman a little girl could follow to dignity and security. I actively and deliberately receive- and vow to keep receiving- everything that I have requested in Your will this day. Let this statement reverberate into every corner of my life and invade the bone morrow of my belief systems. Today I receive my dignity back. No one can take it from me because You are the One who gave it. Help me to recognize that I've lost my dignity only because I have surrendered it. Empower me to claim it back and hang on to it with all my might. Because of Your mercy, Lord, I am no fool. Only a wise woman shifts her trust to You.
In Jesus' saving and delivering name, AMEN.
So maybe this isn't the purpose of a blog. But this is what I want the purpose of my blog to be. I want to be open and hopefully encourage someone's walk with God.
I've been slowly reading through Beth Moore's book, “So Long Insecurity.” Wow- There is so much of this book that is exactly where I am right now. It sometimes feels like she's writing out of my diary. I'm planning a book review about it.....maybe.....later..... if can convince myself it's not like school and that I still know how to write one.
But for now, she has this prayer in chapter 9 that went deep for me. It took great effort for me not to cry at work while I was reading it.
And so I copied it all down by hand. Hey, listen. I had two subjects in school that were by far my worst. Spelling and Penmanship. I had to deal with incorrect formation of letters, hand cramping, and well... who seriously wants to sit there and copy someone else's letters??? Copying this down wasn't so easy. I started at 1 o'clock and ended at 5:30 (finally something profitable to do at Tynan's that's not painting my nails.) I used 24 pages- more than half of a medium note pad, ran the ink out of 2 pens, and can't fully stretch my fingers out all the way even 2 days later. And then I typed this all out. Talk about repeatedly hitting the mark.
This will no doubt be one of the longest blogs to ever show up here. And perhaps the longest blog you have ever read (just be glad you aren't reading my hand written notes- that would take you 5 days, just in deciphering my scratches)
And so to the small handful of people that read this. Please sit it out and read the whole thing. It's pretty much my journal, diary, and heart all written out (and who knows- you might be in it.)
Dear God,
I come to You this moment because I need my dignity back. [This is what Beth feels we have lost in our battle with insecurity. You might have to read the book to fully understand what she means here, but for now, just go with the flow.] You alone know what insecurity has cost me, what trouble- even torment- it has caused me. You are intimately acquainted with every time it's made a fool of me. You know how hard I've fought to play the game, but You also know that in the aftermath I've been defeated. I'm sick of failing. I'm sick of sulking. I desperately need and want to be delivered from my chronic insecurity. I am ready to discover what it means to be truly secure. I am willing to do whatever it takes to be free and to allow You to do through me what I cannot do for myself. You are the all-powerful, all-knowing Maker of heaven and earth and the grand Weaver of every human soul. You alone know how we are made and who we're meant to be. I'm not asking for anything You're not willing to give me. You have not shortchanged me. I have shortchanged myself and allowed my culture to sell me short.
You know the way I'm formed. You know what motivates me. You know what shuts me down. You know how driven I am by fear and how exhausted I am from surrendering to it, Lord. In the most hidden places, I am so afraid that I'll get stuck where I am. That I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. That there isn't a purpose for me to achieve.
Deliver me, Lord. You have not given me a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind. That's what scripture says. I claim each of those priceless traits as mine this day. Your desire is for me to be free of every unhealthy motivation. Reveal any place they reside uncontested in me and supply the courage I need to refuse to do their bidding. You have searched the deepest recesses of my heart and mind. I don't need to hide anything from You or act stronger or more together than I am. Help me to come before you with complete transparency, and grant me a supernatural confidence that I am safe with You and loved by You. I don't have to muster feeling I don't process or hang my head in defeat and shame. Because of Your grace, I can come to You just as I am. This is the way I would describe myself to You right now... _____ [At this point I have written another half page of description but you aren't God so I'm not going to describe myself to you right now. Lol But feel free to add your own thoughts here.] But Lord, You know me better than I know myself. You know why I think like I do and why I feel like I do. You know my every thought. My every disappointment. You know every ugly or ridiculous thing I've ever said or done out of insecurity. You see every fissure in my soul, and You look beyond the point of my failure to the depth of my need. As You reveal Yourself to me, I ask that You also mercifully reveal myself to me. Grant me insight into patterns I've developed, and give me answers that bring healing. Make me wholly unafraid of anything that I might see in myself in the light You provide. Help me to trust that You only shed light where You're willing to heal.
God, You know the complexities of my soul and that most of the time I can't even figure myself out. [He's probably the only one out there that can figure me out...] You know how I swing like a dizzy pendulum between self-loathing and self-exaltation. As I begin this prayer of restoration, I ask You, Lord, to help me take responsibility for the insecurity that is my own doing. My own fault. My own sin. I am painfully aware that I've created some of my own misery. I have tried to make a god of myself too many times, and it hasn't worked. It will never work. [This is common head knowledge to most of us..... but how many times do we verbally admit it? Heart knowledge.] In calling me to this time of confession, Your desire is my freedom, not my self-condemnation. So with confidence, I welcome the one and reject the other. With these things in mind hear my confessions... ________ [And no, this isn't like Catholic confessions and so I won't put mine here for all to see....besides- it's gets pretty personal after this anywho.] Please forgive me for my self-worship. For my relentless pursuit of control and for my futile attempts at doing your job. [She has obviously stopped by my blog recently] Forgive me for my foolish pride. Forgive me for nursing my ego until it grows so fat that everything touching it bruises it. Forgive me for my miserable self-absorption. Forgive me for the jealousy and covetousness that feeds my insecurity. Forgive me for turning too many things into competitions. [Umm... seriously. Does she know my family???] For being so fixated on what I don't have that I leave the gifts You've given me undeveloped and much less effective than You intended them to be. Forgive me for thinking pitifully little of the person You've made me. Forgive me for committing the flagrant sin of despising myself and considering myself inferior to others. Forgive me equally for every time I've sighed with relief at the thought that I might be superior after all. Forgive me for my unbelief. If I realized how valuable I am, my insatiable need for affirmation would be quenched. Forgive me for being such a perfectionist that I resist doing something good out of fear that it won't be great. Forgive me for the inordinate self-protection that has only managed to imprison me.
This very moment I receive Your lavish forgiveness and Your complete cleansing and in Your name, I release all the shame that has come from self-inflicted insecurity. From now on, Lord, and every day for the rest of my life, heighten my conviction until I'm instantly aware when insecurity is my own making. Help me recognize any form of pride or unbelief and to refuse it immediately.
Now, Lord, I ask You to pull up the roots of insecurity that were not of my own doing, and usher in healing and restoration. You know every single place where instability has touched my life. You remember details that were long erased from my memory but are still inflicting insecurity. You know what first frightened me into believing that no one and nothing could be trusted and that I'm on my own out here in a very unsafe world. You know the rational origin of every irrational fear. You know where I developed a belief system based on the frailness of man instead of the bedrock of you. You have been with me every moment, even when I felt there was no one to take care of me. I give You my whole heart. Touch every broken and wounded place with your healing hand.
Lord, empower me to forgive those who have let me down, failed to protect me, or inflicted injury upon me. Help me to see them as needy, broken people in their own right, and Lord, where there is still life and opportunity, bring redemption to those relationships. Help me to understand the gravity of this juncture: that if I do not seek healing and wholeness, I will instead end up perpetuating the cycle of injury. Break the cycle with me, O Lord. Break the cycle with me.
Lord, come and treat my heart and soul where they have been shattered by loss. No one on earth can esteem the loss of something precious the way You can. You know the pain, You know the unbearable emptiness that can come with loss. [Perhaps like me you don't have a loss/death of a person that is effecting you this way. Thank God for that. But maybe, you can think as I was, of simpler things to “loose” such as comfort in the familiar, innocence, or even just the loss of a close friendship that has grown distant.] You recognize my attempt to fill the void with things that never suffice. You know how my feelings frighten me and how the enemy of my soul would have me believe that I will never be okay. Make a liar out of him, Lord, Do not let him win, do not let loss win. Be my gain, Lord. Flood my life with purpose and compassion. Be my strength in weakness. [You are probably feeling weak with how long this is and wondering if I'll be done before dinner.... hold on a bit longer, my friend.]
Please do not let me confuse healing with betrayal. Help me to see any place in my life where I'm hanging on to my grief or anger in an attempt to hang on to what I've lost. Grant me the gift of healthy grief that does not fight the pain or the process of healing. Lord, please help me to see where I have suffered a substantial loss that I've never regarded. Where I lost innocence, grant me integrity. Where I lost a relationship, grant me true intimacy. Where I lost a home, grant me an internal unshakable sense of belonging. Where I've held someone responsible for my loss, grant me the ability to forgive. Don't stop until You've made a miracle of me.
Lord, help me to learn how to hang on tight to You when my life is rocked by dramatic change. [umm...again.... this is getting kinda scary.] Empower me to trust You and not to panic or fight for control. Help me to stop confusing a change in my circumstances with a change in my security status. You are my security, O God. You are the one sure thing. When everything around me shakes, You are unshakable. Nothing has the propensity to reveal false gods to me like a sudden change in my circumstances. [Never thought of it quite like that, and oh how much easier it would be if I hadn't.] Help me to see them and surrender them instantaneously. Use change to provoke what needs changing in me, Lord, and to increase my appreciation of the only One who is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
Lord, I now ask You to single out everything You entrusted to me as part of my physical and psychological makeup: personal limitations, my appearance, and my God-give disposition. You know what You were doing when you formed me in my mother's womb. Nothing is without purpose. Nothing has thrown off the plan. Every gift, challenge, and obstacle is meant to shape the specific destiny You ordained for me before time began. Your intent is to make a wonder out of me and show what You can do through me. You mean to increase the praise that comes to You because of my life. You want to defy the odds in order to make Yourself conspicuous in me. Please deliver me from self-pity and a life of excuses and rationalizations. And Lord, where I've otherwise lapsed into self-adoration and self-centerdness instead, help me to recognize my narcissism and no longer tolerate it. Of all things, please don't let it be said that I loved myself too much to fully love anybody else. Please don't let me gain the world but lose my soul.
Father, help me to see where I am overly sensitive and where I put too much pressure on relationships. Help me to see where I insist on making a situation all about me. I really want to change. Help me to quit saying, “This is the way I am,” and remind me that I am capable of tremendous transformation with you. Deliver me from insecurity in my relationships. Help me to cease being so easily wounded, but at the same time, keep me from growing hardened. Help me to resign my position as a game player and manipulator without resigning myself to a life of misuse. Help me to realize that it's pointless to demand that others love me more or love me better. Real affection cannot be coerced. I cannot put a human in charge of my security without setting him or her up for certain failure. Help me to stop using a person as my mirror and start seeing myself as You alone see me.
Lord, even in the midst of all these requests, I thank You with my whole heart for working so diligently in my life. Yes, there have been people who have hurt me and have done a very poor job of taking Your place, but there have also been people who have shown me glimpses of You. Not perfect people, but genuine people. In particular I thank you for... [At this point I could stop and let you fill in the blanks as I have done with the others like this, but felt like it would be good to publicly thank some people in my life. Please don't take it badly if your name isn't mentioned. I tried to keep it fairly short and sweet and have so many people who have touched my life. Many of you in a small way that was big in my life. Thank you.] Dad- always being there to give hugs and surround me in his love. Mom- listening quietly when I'm blowing up and crying with me when I'm upset. Mike- giving me good advice and being willing to hear my poorly thought out arguments. Mindy- always caring about what's happening in my life and including me in hers (and for that “look” she sends my direction every once in a while- you know it ;)). Laura- hearing me complain about my life and never telling me the truth- that hers is much worse. Lol Rod- making me laugh every time he calls me Roseann and lets me call him Billy. Jenni- telling me in sisterly fashion when to “shut up” (oops mom) and then jabbering with me until 4 in the morning. Aubrey- giving me attack hugs just when I need them and following my ADD conversations. Stephanie- keeping my gaze on the Lord and turning it back there when it's strayed. AND SO MANY MORE!!! (Grandmom, Christy, Mrs. W., Kelli Colas, Danielle B., Christina, Katie, Mrs. Aardsma, Auntie Sharon, etc.).........
I thank You for all You have done to get me to this place and for the plan You have ahead for me. I come now, Lord, to the apex of my petition: please restore to my soul all that insecurity has stolen from me. Overturn every single thing the enemy meant for evil into something good. Perform a miracle on me, Lord. Cover me with Your trustworthy hand. Clothe me with strength and dignity. Transform what drives me. Quell what triggers me. Make me a courageous woman in this harrowing culture. One who refuses to be reduced and defined by the media. Help me to make conscious decisions about whether or not the cost of what they're selling is worth buying. Give me the discernment to call a lie a lie.
Make me the kind of woman a little girl could follow to dignity and security. I actively and deliberately receive- and vow to keep receiving- everything that I have requested in Your will this day. Let this statement reverberate into every corner of my life and invade the bone morrow of my belief systems. Today I receive my dignity back. No one can take it from me because You are the One who gave it. Help me to recognize that I've lost my dignity only because I have surrendered it. Empower me to claim it back and hang on to it with all my might. Because of Your mercy, Lord, I am no fool. Only a wise woman shifts her trust to You.
In Jesus' saving and delivering name, AMEN.
Whoosh- You made it. I hope this has touched you like it touched me. I don't think I'll be the same person after this book. I pray that I'm not. Please forgive my long blog and take pity on me for any misspellings, incorrect grammar, and missing or incorrect words. One can only proof read so many times.
Praying to become a courageous woman,
Ti-Ti
All credit for this prayer goes to Beth Moore (So Long Insecurity: You've Been a Bad Friend to Us, pg. 165-174, Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., copyright 2010). If anyone knows her, thank her for me.
- There's a group of Boy Scouts at the next gate over. It's kinda funny to see 15 year old boys dressed up in boy scout uniforms. One of the sponsors has decided that shoes are overrated and thinks that he should demonstrate his taekwondo moves to the young impressionable boys.
After getting my suitcases, I waited around for about 45 minutes as "my ride" got a bit lost in Milwaukee. Actually it's not really her fault. There is a ton of construction and detours there.
Definitely need a bucket over here.
And this is why I should get an assistant to help. I barely had a hand for my camera.
I can't even read a christian novel without coming across “Sometimes, to get God's very best, we have to let go of the mediocre we hold to so tightly.” And then I think of the song by Brandon Heath about trust. There's a line that says “It’s never easy changing my direction, It’s so unnatural to loosen up my grip."
peanut butter and butter in microwave safe dish. 
And then the best part. Eat it down so you can close the lid. You must have a lid. How else will you be able to hide the puppy chow 
(the microwave is sometimes plugged in, sometimes not. Same with the stove. Thankfully the fridge still works.)
There's our color choices for most of the house on the wall (we're painting everything all the same color). Tan is not the easiest color to choose. It can easily go too pink (what we had before in the family room) to too dark to too yellow/gold to too green/gray..... You can't see too much difference from the pic but we have about 8 different colors on the wall (some shown, some not).
